Looking back with the benefit of hindsight two years after my daughter's concussion playing hockey [1] at boarding school, I have some regrets about how I handled this unmarked detour in my and my daughter's life journeys. I think of myself as a pretty decent navigator, and I certainly worked hard to keep both of my hands on the wheel despite some very challenging driving conditions and over some very bumpy patches of road. But sometimes as a parent, the choice you thought was the correct one turns out to be the worst one, and I have to live with that: allowing Heidi to stay in school at the outset was an early mistake [2] that likely sent us down a dreadful route.
So here are my four biggest regrets:
First, I regret not having been more concussion savvy [3]. Parent awareness is everything in concussion. I knew some, but not enough, and I should have applied myself to learning much more, as quickly as possible (e.g. within the first 48 hours). I urge every parent to:
Second, I regret that the coach let Heidi on the ice. I will never be able to forgive the coach who put Heidi on the ice for a game she didn't want to play. I regret not being able to find forgiveness in myself, but his decision, in my view, was a deliberately irresponsible act, which Heidi and our family paid for in many ways, and may continue to pay for over a lifetime. He is still coaching. Heidi's concussion forced her to retire from contact and collision sports completely.
Third, I regret not agreeing to an immediate medical leave. In hindsight, obviously, I should have acceded to the nurse's recommendation on the Monday after Heidi's concussion that she take a medical leave. I even wish that school had required me to return for a face-to-face conference immediately after the concussion assessment that day. A child's academic future is too important to decide over the phone with the nurse. Where was the dean? Or the dorm adviser? I now believe that schools are generally in a better position to comprehend the likely consequences of brain injury than any one affected family. School personnel just see more concussions, and have a broader experience base. It will require a deft touch by the nurse or athletic trainer [13], or perhaps the skilled involvement of other school counseling staff, to get the point across so that the family of a brain-injured student can accept what needs to happen. The wrong tone might sabotage any hope of a partnership and needlessly lengthen and complicate the recovery process.
Fourth, I regret that most schools still don't have academic contingency plans in place for concussed students. With concussion awareness increasing rapidly, the concept of a standard academic contingency plan needs to be developed and expanded. Families need to know that school staff are taking care of academic concerns for the concussed student [14], while the family tends to the medical issues. (More about this in a future article).
And, don't forget the Epsom salts! [15]
Last in the series, "Unmarked Detour."
For more articles in this series, click here. [16]
For a page listing related video segments featuring Dorothy Bedford, click here. [17]
For an article about Barbara Kinder, mother of Olympic women's ice hockey medalist, Caitlin Cahow, chronicling her daughter's journey through post-concussion syndrome, click here [18].
Posted February 1, 2012
Links:
[1] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4343
[2] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4359
[3] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4187
[4] http://sportconcussions.com/html/SCAT2.pdf
[5] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/305
[6] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/149
[7] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/130
[8] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/2695
[9] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4190
[10] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/3549
[11] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/3319
[12] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/128
[13] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/114
[14] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4175
[15] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4363
[16] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4344
[17] https://mail.momsteam.com/node/4396
[18] https://mail.momsteam.com/health-safety/post-concussion-syndrome-new-therapies-offer-hope-says-mom-hockey-star-Caitlin-Cahow
[19] https://mail.momsteam.com/unmarked-detour-journey-in-videos
[20] https://mail.momsteam.com/health-safety/unmarked-detour-one-familys-journey-through-post-concussion-syndrome