To say that 2020 was unfathomably
brutal is an understatement. We all seem to know someone who was very sick or
died this year, some from the novel Covid-19 virus, or from other illnesses,
accidents or suicides. One of the friends I lost this past year, to whom I
often turned when I needed advice or
cheering up in my personal or professional life, was former University of
Pennsylvania basketball standout, NBA player and longtime youth sports expert Bob
Bigelow, who passed away unexpectedly on August 18th at the age of 66.
I will never forget the last time we
talked, a phone call I received from Bob, out of the blue, in June 2020. He
greeted me warmly: “Brooke de Lench, my
old friend and warrior for kids in sports from Concord, how are you; how are my
friends at MomsTeam, and how are you holding up in the pandemic?” He wished me
an early happy anniversary (MomsTeam turned 20 on August 23, just days after
his untimely and sudden death), asked how my son Taylor was doing (recalling
the videos he produced of Bob in his early days as a videographer which would
lead to a stint at the Boston Globe and nine regional Emmy’s; Bob was
still puzzled why Taylor, at 6 feet 6 inches, chose squash over basketball); and
wanted to know whether I was still going into our offices or working from home,
all in the booming bass voice we all loved.
We had known each other for close to twenty years, ever since Bob called me in 2001, a year after MomsTeam launched, to ask if he could feature my organization’s work in a youth sports parenting book he was writing along with Tom Maroney and Linda Hall called Just Let the Kids Play: How to Stop Other Adults from Ruining Your Child’s Fun and Success in Youth Sports.
From that time forward Bob always called to wish MomsTeam a Happy Anniversary. Bob was like that, his recall of people, dates, events and birth years was remarkable. (I never asked, but I am willing to bet he could list each of the over 2,000 talks he gave to young athletes, parents and coaches over his long career as a youth sports expert.)
A Life's Work
Bob's life’s work was to arm sports
parents with strategies to make the needs of young athletes the priority in
youth sports, not the needs of adults. He showed how team sports could be
organized to develop the athletes’ skills, not just win games. He conducted research
that proved how his model for youth programs not only helped kids learn but
addressed a number of problems in the youth sports environment (out-of-control
parents, abusive coaches etc.). Bob also spoke extensively to high school athletes
about the dangers of chewing tobacco and the importance of never starting the
habit.
Bob understood the business of youth sports and believed, as I do, that it was the adult ego that has ruined adult sports. We could never have predicted that it would be a pandemic that might end up changed kids’ games, maybe forever.
A Life Cut Short
Bob was very much full of life and
optimism when we spoke. He was particularly excited to tell me about his soon-
to-be-born first grandchild and how much he looked forward to becoming a grandparent.
Knowing now what I didn’t know then (in the words of the Bob Seger song), it
was particularly painful to learn that Bob had died from sudden cardiac arrest,
just weeks after being diagnosed with a heart arrythmia and, perhaps not
coincidentally, around the time he called me one afternoon out-of-the-blue for what
would prove to be the last time.
That diagnosis also put into context
another topic we spoke about on our last call: the first-of-its kind program
MomsTEAM had launched in 2002 to promote the placement of Automatic External
Defibrillators (AEDs) at every youth
sports competition. Bob wondered whether we would consider running it again. I
told him it was unlikely. He prodded further and told me it was needed again. He
didn’t explain the basis for his renewed sense of urgency in getting AEDs for
every youth sports program. I do know that, he lived, he would have been my pick
for a spokesperson.
I may never forget our last
conversation for many reasons but, mostly for the way he ended the call — a way
he probably ended calls with his hundreds of friends — with a heartfelt
compliment, reminding me about the important contribution I made to helping
keep kids safe playing sports. “You have led the way in injury prevention, and
no one can take that away from you,” he told me. “You are the ‘Mother of Youth
Sports Safety.”
I closed our conversation by urging
him to “keep on doing what you are doing best, Bob — advocating and demanding
that kids have fun before anything else. We will get through the pandemic and
get the kids on the field again soon. In the meantime, have fun with your
grandbaby!” Sadly, Bob only had a short time to know baby Benjamin.
I will truly miss my friend Bob, as
will his wife Nancy, his sons David and Stephen, his grandson, and his many,
many friends in youth sports and in his hometown of Winchester.
When I think of Bob, a favorite
Ralph Waldo Emerson quote comes to mind:
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of the
intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of
honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty;
to find the beauty in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a
healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that one
life has breathed easier because you lived here. This is to have succeeded.”
By Emerson’s definition, there is no
doubt at all: Bob’s life was a great success. Thanks for everything you did for
the kids, Bob.
Below are links to some of the
MomsTeam projects on which we collaborated with Bob and, as a gift from Bob’s
family, a link where readers can download, read and pass along to others Bob’s
last book (written with former MomsTEAM Institute columnist and Board of
Director, Doug Abrams).
Article: My Ten Commandments for
Youth Sports
Article: What’s Happening to Our
Kids
Article: Small-Sided Basketball:
Best Way to Play and Learn for Elementary School Players
Video: Bob Bigelow on How to Fix Youth Sports
Video: How to Spot a Dipper
Video: Who uses smokeless tobacco?
Video: How to Quit Chewing Tobacco
Book: Youth Sports: Still Failing Our Kids — How to Really Fix It
